How to say sorry in Japanese: in a culture that apologizes for everything | WeXpats guide (2023)

In Japan, people often apologize for many things. It doesn't mean that we're always wrong personally, rather it shows awareness on our part in an interaction. Whether you're apologizing for your own mistake or for a general situation, make sure you use the correct phrase for each situation.

Table of contents

• Why apologize? It's a cultural thing
• In case of doubt for everyday situations, sorry
• Business and formal apologies
  • Es tut mir leid (shitsurei shimashita)
  • Es tut mir leid (moushiwake gozaimasen)
  • I apologize (owabi moushiagemasu)
• Apologies between family, friends and close colleagues
• body language

Why apologize? It's a cultural thing

For some cultures it may seem strange to say words of apology when there is no wrongdoing. Some may even feel that an apology is an acknowledgment of a mistake in a situation. However, this is not always the case in Japan. In a culture that avoids inconveniencing others at all costs, it's important to recognize the moments we do. Even when it seems like the most harmless interaction, someone usually says words of apology. Thank you is often said before someone does something good. However, it is important to realize that without these words, a person can come across as rude. How to avoid this?

In case of doubt in an everyday situation: sorry (sumimasen)

forgiveness(sumimasen), meaning "I'm sorry" and "excuse me" and sometimes "thank you", is commonly used in everyday life. If you sayI'm sorry(sumimasen deshita), the excuse is in the past tense. People often use this when indicating when and for what you apologize. Many people sayforgiveness(Suimasen) to put it more simply. While this isn't wrong, it's considered a bit more casual. In a more formal setting, please use すみません (sumimasen).

It can be used when meeting someone:

Oh, I am sorry.- Ah, Sumimasen deshita. (Ah, sorry.)

or if you want to get off a crowded train at your stop and have to push past people:

Sorry I'm going down!- Sumimasen, orimasu! (sorry, I'm getting off!)

You can also use it when declining a request:

Sorry, I'm in a bit of a hurry.- Sumimasen, chotto isoideirunode. (I'm sorry, I'm in a bit of a hurry)

The tricky use offorgivenesscomes when it is used to mean "thank you" more than "I'm sorry". Or rather, you're sorry for the inconvenience you caused the other person and you thank them for what they did.

For example, if you drop something and someone picks it up for you:

Oh, I am sorry. Thanks!- Ah, Sumimasen. Arigatougozaimasu! (Ah, tut mir leid. Danke!)

or when someone does something nice for you, you would say:

I'm sorry. Thanks.- Wazawaza suimasen.

It means, "I'm sorry for bothering you (doing that nice thing, like getting you a souvenir). Thanks very much."

Even when people ask staff to put their purchases in separate bags at the convenience stores, a service they're happy to offer, you might hear customers say "Sumimasen." Or if you give your seat to an elderly person, say "Sumimasen". Of course, no one is wrong in these situations, and without saying "sumimasen" it comes off as rude or as if you expect others to do these things for you.

[Pleasenotethat you wouldn't use these phrases with close friends. Such sentences are mentioned below.]

As a side note, you can useforgiveness(Suimasen) to get the attention of a salesperson when you have a question or a restaurant staff when you want to order something. In this case it means "sorry" and not "I'm sorry".

Business and formal apologies

We often use すみません among work colleagues, but when making a formal business apology, simply expressing your regrets is not enough.

Excuse me (shitsureishimashita) for minor errors

rude (shitsurei) means to be or do something impolite.forgiveness(shitsurei shimashita) literally means I did something rude.

Even if what you did isn't that serious, it's important to say. It carries the nuance of "sorry" or "my fault". You can use this when you say something wrong and need to correct yourself, or when you enter the wrong room or call the wrong number.

If you need it more formally, you can sayI have to sincerely apologize(taihen shitsurei itashimashita).

Note: 失礼します (shitsureishimasu) is also a common expression; however, it means "sorry" and not "I'm sorry." You would say it before entering a room where someone is waiting for you, or when you end a phone call or leave work in front of your colleagues.

For most formal apologies, sorry

I'm sorry(moushiwake gozaimasen) literally means "I have no excuses for what I did." We use it to mean "I'm sorry." Use for immediate situationsVery sorry(moushiwake arimasen) like the first thing you say when you see your boss when you're late.

When apologizing for a mistake in formal business situations, you would useI'm sorry(moushiwake gozaimasen) for a present situation orI'm very sorry(moushiwake gozaimasen deshita) for a past situation. If you want to show an extra passionate attitude, addReally(hontou ni) which means actual or really.

For example, if a store has run out of product, the store staff will say, "I'm sorry." If you send your customer the wrong information, you would say, "I'm sorry." Surprisingly, even if a train in Japan is just a minute late, you'll hear "I'm sorry" in the train announcement, because they're taking the Cause sorry for any inconvenience, however slight.

I'm sorryalso used before a request. Similar to using "please" when making a request, it is used as a "cushion" phrase before asking someone to do something. However, without this “cushion” the request will sound abrupt and rude, so using it is very important.

In case of a big mistake, apologize

I apologize(owabi moushiagemasu) means "I apologize deeply".

This is used in situations where the relationship between two companies or a company's reputation may be affected by the actions of a person or company.

You can hear it when a company or public figure holds a press conference to apologize for a wrongdoing or scandal.

You can also hear this on the train or at an airport when the vehicle is stopped or severely delayed due to an accident or bad weather.

It is used in business paired withI'm sorry(moushiwake gozaimasen) to apologize for any errors affecting customers. For example sending the wrong file or confusing the number of orders.

Apologies between friends, family and close colleagues

The very first form of “sorry” that children learn isforgiveness(gomennasai). The roots of the words mean admitting that you are wrong and asking for forgiveness from the other party.

This excuse is only used among family and friends.

You can say the shortened formforgiveness(gomen) to friends and family orforgiveness(Gomenne). By adding "ne" it shows a level of closeness in the relationship.

This can be used when you did something wrong or when they did something nice where they went out of their way to do something for you e.g. B. picking up something you dropped. In the latter case, you can pair it with ありがとう (Arigatou), thanks.

Add toReally(hontou ni - really) before gomen or gomen is a way of making the apology more serious.

For friends, some might sayI'm really sorry(maji de gomen). Maji means "really", so this would mean "really sorry". Maji de is slang, so it's only used among close friends.

Another word we use to say sorry isbad(warui) which means bad or wrong. When used in or as an apology, it means "I am wrong".It was bad(warukatta) is "I was wrong" andWari(warii) is a very casual form ofbad, mostly used only by men, the equivalent is "My bad".

Male colleagues might sayforgiveness(sumanai) orderforgiveness(Suman) as short forms offorgiveness(Sumimasen) as wellI'm sorry(moushiwake nai) as short form ofVery sorry(Moushiwake Arimasen).

Body language is key to apologies

Of course, body language is important in any language.

However, Japan has some very specific types of body language that accompany apologies. It's so ingrained in people's systems to have an accompanying movement with an apology that you may see people bowing even when they're apologizing over the phone.

With a short apology, e.g. For example, if someone bumps their shoulders or if someone does something nice in passing, a short, deep nod is appropriate.

However, when apologizing when you're deeply wrong, it's important to bow at an angle from the waist. The larger the error, the deeper (and often longer) the arc. When the arch is at a 30 degree angle, people hold one hand over the other and bow. When the arch is deeper, women often place their hands on their thighs and bend while men keep their hands straight at their sides.

When seated, place your hands flat on the table in front of you and bow while bending your elbows.

In very serious situations, when you have done or caused something with serious consequences, some people get on their hands and knees and bow their heads to the floor. This is called Dogeza. But most people will never have to do this in their lives.

For friends, for minor offenses, placing your palms flat together (as if in prayer) close to your face or sometimes accompanied by a bow, e.g. B. if you are late.

Finally

Make sure you know what level of apology is appropriate and expected of you.

Sometimes it seems difficult to foreigners because you are expected to apologize when you are not actually sorry or wrong. However, it shows that you understand your position in the situation and that it is a set way of interacting.

I'm sorry it took so long. Thanks very much!
Konna ni nagaku natte sumimasen deshita.
I'm sorry this took so long. Thank you for reading!