How to forgive yourself when you make a mistake (2023)

The average person makes about35,000 decisions per day.Mistakes are inevitable.And yet, when they happen, self-forgiveness doesn't come easy. You know people make mistakes, but it's hard to know how to forgive yourself and whenOfmake one. Especially when it has far-reaching consequences.

Perhaps your mistake prevented you from achieving a goal. Maybe it meant you weren't living up to someone's standards. It might even have hurt someone you love.

In any case, it is much easier to make mistakes than to let them go. This post should help. Read the following tips to learn self-forgiveness so you can move forward with confidence.

Knowing that mistakes are not “bad” by definition

The Cambridge Dictionary defines an error as "an action, decision or judgment that leads to an undesirable or unintended result".

In life we ​​often experience things that we do not want or intend. A lot of these things are out of our hands: stock market crashes, friends moving house, telemarketers.

But when things are in our hands - in the form of a choice - we weigh heavily on ourselves. The burden of achieving some form of "good."

We cannot always bear this burden because our actions, decisions and judgments do not always lead to good.

Sometimes we act without considering all possible outcomes. Sometimes we make decisions based on misinformation. Sometimes we judge with biases we don't recognize. Sometimes we don't make choices that reflect our best selves.

And—often when it's too late—we realize we've made a mistake: we've produced something we didn't want or intend. This gives us the feeling of having done something "bad". As if we don't know how to forgive ourselves.

But is what youtatbad just because you didn't want or intend itResult? Let's say you tell someone truthfully that you're not in love with them. you hurt her feelings Does your decision to tell the truth go bad because you didn't want or intend to hurt them?

We all know the answer. Making a mistake doesn't automatically mean you've done something bad. And that certainly doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Own your mistake; Don't let it own you

If you make a mistake, you have two choices: own it or let it own you.

To own it, name it. Identify the mistake you made and whether you have made it before.

Did you insult someone at work? Drank too much at a party? Saying “yes” to many things and overtaxing yourself?

Next, consider what might have caused you to make the mistake. Did you speak without thinking? Do you have social anxiety? Are you a self-proclaimed people pleaser?

These types of questions will help you build self-confidence. By getting to the bottom of your mistake, you can develop a plan to reduce the likelihood of it happening again.

The key is to develop an internal locus of control. People with an internal locus of control believe they are in control of their lives. They feel their successes and failures are tied to their thoughts and actions.

In contrast, people with an external locus of control believe that their lives are shaped by external factors beyond their control, such as luck or circumstances.

Guide your own destiny. Don't leave anything to chance.

If you offended someone at work, apologize. If you're not sure what offended her, ask politely for her perspective. In the future, pay attention to the effect your words have on others. Practice thinking before you speak.

That way you learn from your mistakes. They will make you better. And you'll feel empowered rather than defeated. This is the key to knowing how to forgive yourself.

Remember, you are not your fault. You just make them, and that's okay!

Lean on those around you as you practice self-forgiveness

Chances are someone on this planet has made your mistake before. While this is nothing to celebrate, it is comforting to know that you are not alone.

We all make mistakes. As hard as we try, we will never be perfect. We will make one mistake, learn from it and then make another. We might even make the same mistake twice.

But we have the opportunity and privilege to keep growing. Realizing that recovering from mistakes only makes us stronger and wiser — and we don't have to beat ourselves down for it. To learn from and support each other as we strive to become the best we can be.

Don't be afraid to share your mistake with others. Choose people who want the best for you. Share your thoughts on how you would like to improve. Ask for their support as you learn to forgive yourself.

If someone is "judging" you for your mistake, let them judge. They are entitled to that. Your reaction may even be understandable. But they're not in the best position to move you forward.

This is a difficult realization when the judgment comes from someone we love—a parent, a spouse, a close friend. We want to feel understood, especially by those closest to us. And when we're not, it can feel overwhelming.

But remember, if someone you love judges you, that doesn't mean they don't care about you. It just means they process things their own way. And over time, they may come to a greater understanding.

Other people will always have an opinion about how you behave. Something good. Something bad. But the most important opinion is the one you have of yourself. Rely on others, but remember that you can also rely on yourself.

Your strength will help you now. And it will also help if someone wants to lean you.

Know that you will survive your mistake

Have you ever made a mistake, repeated it in your mind a hundred times, and imagined all the ways it could go horribly wrong in your life?

(Raises hand.)

This is called catastrophizing. It's a cognitive bias where we assume the worst even when there's nothing to indicate the worst is going to happen. In fact, it probably won't.

Nevertheless we do it. We are afraid that bad things will happen to us. We don't want shame, regret, or sadness to fill our hearts. We want to be proud of our decisions and let other people be proud of us.

But catastrophizing doesn't help us avoid pain. In fact, it guarantees it. By catastrophizing, we give in to negative thoughts and build a bad habit. We defy logic and worry about things that didn't happen. And we're getting more anxious about whatcouldgo wrong than we could when thingstatgo wrong. This prevents us from learning how to forgive ourselves.

As the Roman philosopher Lucius Annaeus Seneca the Younger said:

"Nothing is so miserable or foolish as to foresee misfortune. What madness it is to expect evil before it arrives!”

A bit harsh but it gets the point home.

Don't give in to bad thoughts when you can have good ones. Even if something bad happens, you canstillhave good. Fromadopt a positive mindset, you can actually rewire your brain. This will help you become happier, healthier, and more resilient - regardless of the mistakes you make along the way.

Instead of playing the shame game, learn how to forgive yourself

When we make mistakes, things happen that we didn't want or intend. And while we know we can't always have things our way, it doesn't make things any easier.

Mistakes can lead to shame - a heavyweight when it comes to negative emotions. It burrows deep within us, affecting our self-esteem and ability to move forward.

But shame is nothing to be ashamed of (see the circle here?). It's something we can address and navigate through. We can get over this and our mistakes.

By making mistakes, you are a member of the greatest community in the world: humanity. Use this to your advantage!

Lean on others and allow others to lean on you. Make mistakes work for you, not against you. And accept the fact that mistakes can actually make you better off. Soon you will know exactly how to forgive yourself.

If dr. BrenIt isBrown says in her book:Strong ascending:

“Pretending that we can help, be generous, and be brave without navigating strong emotions like despair, shame, and panic is a deeply dangerous and misguided assumption. Instead of gilding grit and trying to make failure look fashionable, we had better learn to see beauty in truth and tenacity.”