How to Forgive Your Past Mistakes (8 Steps) (2023)

Shame is the cancer of the psyche.It slowly eats us up and corrupts everything we experience with its dark glowself hatred. And it all stems from a lack of self-forgiveness.

Have you ever said, done, or thought anything really terrible?

Have you ever:

1. cheated on someone you love
2. crossed a line you thought you would never cross, or
3. intentionally harmed yourself (or someone else)?

If you're human, I can guarantee you'll say one almost immediatelyAnd.

And don't worry, you're not alone. We haveatbeen there to varying degrees. You are not a monster, you are just a flawed and wounded human being.

While I'm not here to apologize for anything you've done (personal responsibility is key), I amBinhere to be a voice of compassion. Hating yourself won't make anything better.

It's time for some self forgiveness.

What is self forgiveness?

Self-forgiveness is the practice of forgiving oneself for past wrongdoing. It's about changing your perception of yourself and what happened through the eyes ofself-compassion and self-understanding.By understanding the deeper mechanisms ofWhyyou did what you did and holding yourself in the embrace of self love you can let go, move on and feel free again.

Actions that make us feel guilt and shame (examples)

While we can sometimes feel haunted by a thought or intention that we have secretly carried (once or many times), generally we feel most deeply influenced by what we haveCompleted.

Here are some examples of actions that make us feel guilty and ashamed:

• bully someone
• get an abortion
• cheating on the partner
• Steal
• Physically injuring a loved one
• Spreading gossip and/or rumours
• Destruction of someone else's property

And of course there are more extreme cases ranging from molestation to murder. (Obviously, this article doesn't condone such acts or give you a map to get out of jail—it simply focuses on the other side of the journey: self-forgiveness.)

The dark side of self-judgment

It's important to have some level of guilt/shame after hurting yourself or someone else. Without guilt, we would be sociopathically ignoring the effects of our behavior. (And can you imagine what society would be like if nobody felt bad about what they did? We would live in a non-stop apocalypse.)

But guilt and shame become toxic when they startfesterbetween us; when we can't let go of what we've been doing or move on. Imagine a standing pool of water—this is what a lack of self-forgiveness feels like. There's no growth, no movement, no freshness, no life inside, just the same old rancid mud of self-hating thoughts.

In fact, when we carry toxic guilt and shame within us, we tend to create a negative and unrealistic image of ourselves. Unfortunately, such dark self-images tend to createself-fulfilling propheciesornegative feedback loops. In other words, when we carry the negativecore beliefthat we're a cheating scumbag who doesn't have an ounce of loyalty, we can continue the same behavior in our next relationship.

8 benefits of self-forgiveness

To prevent the same old mistakes from happening, learning how to forgive yourself is crucial. In other words,Self-forgiveness gives us a new sense of life, it frees us to grow, to change and to transform ourselves in positive ways.Sometimes it inspires us to help others in similar circumstances that we once experienced (or caused).

Yes, guilt and shame are important to feel, but only up to a point. We need to grieve and regret our behavior, but we also need to create space to learn from our mistakes and change as individuals.

How self-forgiveness helps us:

• We stop dwelling on the past (and endlessly reliving it).
• We start living in the present moment
• We have more hope for the future
• We develop moreself loveand understanding
• We can forgive others more easily
• We learn from our mistakes and change as human beings
• We have more energy and motivation for life
• We learn how to become a better person

How to Forgive Your Past Mistakes (8 Steps)

Learning how to forgive yourself is a journey that can last from a day to a lifetime -It's really a unique process, and there is no right or wrong pace at which you “should” move.

Like you, I'm imperfect. I've done things that have shamed me to the core. I regret. I have a shadow self. But I also did a lotinner workand healing that has helped me overcome my mistakes and transform me as a person. I'm sure there will be many more hiccups in the future, but knowing the importance of self-forgiveness, I have faith that I will be able to overcome them. While I don't have instant success, I've practiced the following philosophies enough to know that I will eventually learn from my mistakes.

Here's what I've learned from my own journey and observing/helping others on their own journey on how to forgive yourself:

1. Understand that you cannot change the past

The past is over, overbroken.You cannot alter or change it. Therefore, obsessively thinking about what you “could” or “should” have done is a waste of time and energy. Beating yourself up brings nothing but more self-loathing — and self-loathing is the opposite of growth.Do you want to "fix" what happened?This is only going forward now. The only way is to let your mistakes teach you and change you as a person. Obsession with the past just can't do that. It's time to let go

2. Reflect on your level of consciousness (then vs. now)

I'm going to say something that you really need to remember and think about:

We are all doing the best we can based on the level of consciousness that we have at the moment.

What does that mean exactly? "Based on the level of our consciousness" means that we all have varying degrees of mental, emotional and spiritual maturity throughout life. At the age of 5, for example, you were less mature than at 15, 25 or 55.

that youThenare not youNow. Your life has changed. you have aged You have had more experience. You have learned more, felt more, seen more and understood more. Even your body has changed. There isn't a part of you that hasn't changed (except maybe yoursSoulor True Self). So how can you keep annoying yourself?

Take some serious time to ponder this truth. I recommend writing down your thoughts and feelings about this statement:We are all doing the best we can based on the level of consciousness that we have at the moment.learn more abouthow to keep a diary.

The moment you made a mistake in the past, you had a different level of consciousness. Perhaps you weren't so aware, awake, and aware of the consequences. Maybe you reacted from old wounds. Perhaps your shadow self has temporarily taken over. Dig a little and loosen up a little.

3. See your mistake as a reflection of the shadow self

We all have a dark side, a place inside of us that we'd rather not look at. This dark side is usually unconscious and has been formed as a result of life experiences that have taught us that certain parts of ourselves are "good" and other parts are "bad". It is thatshadow selfPart that makes us self-sabotage, seething with jealousy, blinded with anger, lying to our partners and hurting our loved ones.

Perhaps most importantly, this is fairlike Partfrom you it isnot the wholefrom you. When we struggle to forgive ourselves, we tend to identify exclusively with (and).if) our shadow self and forget all our kind, loving and lovable qualities.

Remember that whatever you have done does not reflect your true nature– it is the result of your unexamined shadow breaking to the surface of your life and wreaking havoc. If anything, whatever you did has gifted you with the blessing of knowing firsthand how important it isshadow work(or explore your shadow). Please take this as a wake up call to begin the journey withinInvolution, the inner transformation - not as a call to demonize yourself further.

4. Express your sadness and regret creatively

If we've made a fatal mistake (or done something that triggers intenselytoxic shamewithin us), it is important that we create space to process these feelings. Mind you, pondering over and over again and digging up old memories is finenotProcessing your feelings: It issimmerin them. It is time to end this form of self-punishment. Facing, feeling and expressing what is going on inside you will be an essential part of your healing journey.

To process yourcomplicated griefand regret I strongly recommend finding some kind of creative outlet. Creative self-expression is a form ofInner Alchemythat helps turn your pain into wisdom. Examples include:

• Grind
• drawing
• sculpture
• Collagen
• To sing
• to compose music
• Dance

You don't have to be an artist to express yourself—it isinnateDemand and capacity insideatfrom us. So reflect and see what appeals to you.

Once you've decided on a form of creative self-expression, use your guilt/shame/regret as inspiration. For example, if you have a history of betraying a loved one's trust, create an artwork based on the sense of betrayal. What does Treason look, sound, smell, taste and feel like? How did it affect you and her? What can you learn from this situation? how did it change you Supplement your art with these reflections.

5. Work with your inner archetypes

Archetypes are types (or patterns) of energy found in all people, societies, races and time periods. Common archetypes are the warrior, the girl, the hero, the mother, the victim, the wise man/woman, etc.

One reason I love and respect the practice of working with your inner archetypes is that it helps you evolve, mature,identified, and rediscover your true nature. When it comes to learning how to forgive yourself, it takes inner guidance. Digging out and connecting with your inner love archetypes will be a powerful way to break free.

For example,You might want to explore your own:

• Inner Quan Yin or Jesus(Archetype of Compassion)
• Inner Tara or Buddha(archetype of wisdom)
• Inner Mother Mary or Zeus(mother/father archetype)

You can ask these inner parts of your soul for guidance, support and help. Understand that these archetypes are universal sources of energy available to all of us. Each of us carries within us a seed of self-compassion.

Read more aboutarchetypesfor further guidance.

6. What needs were not met at the time?

As a psychologist Marshall B. Rosenbergwrites,

When we focus our attention on the part of self that chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I did what I now regret, what need I have am I trying to fulfill?” I believe that people always act in the service of needs and values. This is true whether or not the action meets needs, or whether we end up celebrating or regretting it.

There's a reason you've behaved this way in the past, and that's because of itYou were trying to fill a need (in the best way you can at the moment).

So treat yourself with some compassion and explore what need you were trying to fill. Was it the need to be loved? They have to be respected? Do they have to be seen? The need to be heard? The need to feel safe? By understanding your underlying need, some level of guilt and shame is lifted.

7. Perform a letting go ritual

At some point on your journey you will know it is time to let go. You'll get tired of the constant mental abuse and guilt. You will yearn for peace; for a fresh start. When that time comes, you will know that you are finally ready to let go.

Let gosounds whimsical and vague to most people. But it doesn't have to be. There are certain practices you can employ to make this experience solid and memorable. I recommend practicing a simple onefire extinguishing ritualto help you let go and move on.

To practice this fire ritual, you need a piece of paper, a lighter (or a matchbox) and some kind of bowl (to catch the embers). Just write down on your piece of paper what you want to let go of. Then light the paper, drop it into your bowl and watch it burn. As it burns, know that you are also burning away old patterns and habits. You experience a death and a rebirth at the same time. For a more detailed guide to this ritual, see minefull moon ritual Article.

8. Practice self-love

Finally, take care of yourself. Be gentle and kind and know it's okay to make mistakes and be human. If you need help practicing self-love, be sure to seek counseling (sometimes it helps to have a friendly face there).hold spaceto you). If you notice harsh self-talk popping up, explore practices likemindfulness,Meditation, Andaffirmations.

I recommend reading my article onhow to love yourself, or check out our step-by-step guideGuided Self Love Diary, for a more detailed guide.

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In conclusion, I leave you these words of the author and teacherDebbie Ford:

The key to self-help is self-forgiveness: when we relax in the vulnerability of our humanity and find compassion for our own inner struggles.

Remember, you are human. You make mistakes. And that's okay. What matters now is how you use those bumps along the way to fuel your growth and transformation. Will you let them eat you alive or will you use them as motivation to move forward?

What is the hardest part of self-forgiveness for you? Let me know in the comments! Maybe you can find onekindred spiritwho can share your pain